If yankee dey 'wapa' like dat, how come dem no get serfices like Naija?......Oyiboland no get serfices reach us O!
My people, na Pa J be this O! I come as I dey come!
See, as I siddon jejely dey wonder how life fit dey komfotable for this Obodo
America wey we dey, E come be like say na Naija life dey! haba! Efriting na so so komputa komputa! Na komputa we go chop? Komputa no fit do efriting now, abi?
As I dey wonder so, na im e just occur to me say if this Obodo Oyiboland wey we dey wapa like dat, how come dem no get serfices reach the ones wey we get for naija! Make I show una make una come tell me weda na lie I lie O!
1. For here, na drife you go drife abi make una catch bus go grocery
store for simple simple 'daily amenities'......
For Naija , na for house dem go carry am come meet you on a timely basis:
- 5:30 a.m Mosque go use 'Alllllaaaah Aqbah!' wake you up
- 6:30-7:00a.m moinmoin hawker go pass
- 8 o'clock na aganyin beans hawker turn
- 8:15 na you dey select weda na Daily Times, Punch or Vanguard you wan read after 'Oni dailytimes' don come
- 1:00 p.m gala bicycle go pass
- Meat seller go pass between 2:00pm and 3:00pm, and
- anytime between 5:00pm and 7:00pm Obioma (London Tailor) go take route pass ya street!
2.We dey fix things pass dem! For here, na so so replacements you go dey replace....."Sir, what's the part number so I can key it into IPLSS (the
Intergallactic Parts Location Satellite System)for pinpoint availability sir?"....
But for Naija, na "Where the thing bend, make I see how we go fit bend pan fix am?" Fifteen to twenty minutes the thing don fix at much faster and cheaper rate!
3. For here, if una go downtown, na so so wahala to find parking space! Na so you go dey do Parambulatory Circumlocomotion with the hope say somebody go pull out before Jesus comes back....
For downtown Lagos, you no even need to commot for moto sef! Na make you just yell wetin you wan buy and like ten of dem sellers go just rush ya moto! Dem fit be the same family but.......now, you fit come dey price the thing gan sef...
Me: "How much"?...
Dem: "150!"...
Me: "120!"
Dem: "Take am!"...
Me:"95" ...
Dem:"take am!"....
Me:"80!"...
Dem:"take am"...
Me:"65!"...
Dem:"Haba!Alhaja!...dat one no even reach the Oju-owo wey I buy am!, 75 last!"...
Me:"65!"...
Dem:"E no gree! Abeg talk better, traffic dey move!"...
Me:"65!"...
Dem:"why you no kuku tief am!"...
Me:"Carry ya yeye market commot for my face"...
Dem:"YOU DEY CRAZE!"...
and then you drive off if you were test pricing something you either never needed or may purchase later...
4. While still downtown for here, if you buy things wey ya hand no get
strength to carry, you don pafukah be dat!
But inside inside Lagos gangan, you get Alaaru (helper) wey go helep you carry ya load to ya
moto, no matter how far because dem fit charge per mile!
5. If you dey hold better money for bank, no be you go dey call 800
number for transaction..na BANK MANAGER insef go dey call ya house to
ask weda you need anything!
6. Who efer see 'Alagbafo' job opening for here? Drycleaner sabi put
gator for lace like alagbafo? abeg!...
For our non yoruba speaking friends..an alagbafo is an individual who see most of your dirty laundry cause he comes once a week to take them away to wash and bring back!
7. You enter bus for here and you no get correct change....na make
you just make U-turn go back inside house!
For Naija bus system we get person wey go call the route, conductor (may or may not be the same person) and the driver (may or may not be all three people)!
Una need change? No problem! unless wey na im first route be that..and im go get courtesy to tell you say if you no get correct change MAKE YOU COMMOT!
8. For here, if headache catch and you know say the level wey the headache take dey nak dey different from the kind wey regular Tylenol abi Aleve fit relief, na tanda you go go tanda for Dokita office make im write prescription....and then you go go tanda for anoda young Dokita (pharmacist) office make im put am inside bottle...chei!
For Naija, dat one na lie! haba! Any Dokita sabi ya bodi pass you? shebi na to just carry money give pikin make im go buy Codeine or Alabukun powder come for you jare! wetin! Prescription koo, RX ni!
9. For here, you must have a radio or cable teefee to sabi wetin be
the new music wey just commot....chei!
For Naija, na just to ride or waka for street and dem go dey blast the 'latest jams' for ya ears! And if you venture inside, dem go sell una remix tape!
10....and finally....for here, if somebodi die and im no get big
family, dat mean say im no go get plenty people to cry for am!
But for Naija, we get Professional cryers wey go cry waka follow casket go burial ground!....
Una don see am now? so, make dem no think say na komputa go sof efriting O...Naija no fear why2k problem at all at all!
For Naija, life goes on O jare!!!
Submitted by Manny Osifo
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