A young man was telling his grandfather of a recent dream he had.
It was an international adventure, which took him to various countries in the world. "Suddenly I found myself in a taxi which was being driven by a Naija man" the young man said.
'Which town was that now?' asked the old man.
"Either Atlanta or Warri' replied the youngster.
"How can you say you cannot tell the difference between Waffi cab and Atlanta cab? Abeg talk betta thing. I will teach you how to always recognise Waffi cab in case of next time" the old man said. He cleared his throat and began to speak;
"You sabi say you dey inside Warri Taxi whenu:
- You can see the tarred road speeding past below you while you are sat in the back sit, through the mighty hole in the car floor. In fact remain small your leg nearly touch di road sef ala Flintstones.
- A girl is crossing the road too leisurely for the driver's liking so he releases Koboko from under his seat and whips her as he drives past without stopping.
- You ask if the meter is running and he tells you. "Na per drop I dey charge, abi you think say themu write NEPA put mayi head?"
- You pose in the Ona's corna {owner's corner} with one elbow out of the window enjoying breeze when the guy sitting next to you lets out a juicy cough, mumbles with a mouth full of phlegm mixed with Kola "oga no vex" and proceeds to lean over you to spit out the window.
- The taxi jam persin {person} at hundred miles an hour yet they die of tetanus before hitting the ground.
Musical Interlude
Dream of Waffi Taxi drifa
I don't care
Dream of New York Taxi drifa
I don't care.
- While in motion, the car and tyres are going North but the chasis is pointing North East.
- Rain begins to finish you in the ona's corna and you have to beg the driver for "winder" as there is only one.By the time he finishes winding his window up and hands the winder over to you it's too late. You are drenched and Otutu don catch you pata-pata {you are shivering with cold}.
- You ask "any seat belt?" And the driver eyes you and says "seat belt ko, fan belt ni!". "If you want belt for waist betta ones dey Esco supamarkit. Nonsense!"
- He stops in the middle of the road to chat to a taxi driver coming from the opposite direction thereby obstructing traffic. The drivers chat away oblivious to the thousands of horns from angry drivers. He then parks his taxi and announces - "everybody drop! Check point dey front and I juss start work so I no get Kola for hand". He says nothing like "sorry for the inconvinience".
- You come down from the taxi and have to slam the door fourteen times before it shuts. You decide to walk the remaining three miles home to cool your temper but you lose it in the bath room at home when you discover the dirty prints the Taxi left on your white trouser.
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