The Beast

"Do you have any previous working experience?"

"No I am the beast! The beast! You know, the one with the 666 number?"

"Ok, I'm sorry but while we are familiar with that code, and it is indeed the only one for the job, we feel you are not qualified. If you would just leave your resume with us we'll be sure to call you if anything turns up."

She couldn't believe this was happening. She was the beast, and yet because she was female she wouldn't be used to wreak havoc on the world? Surely this type of sexual discrimination had to stop. She was the only one with the 666 number. The devil had made sure of that.

"Listen! Is it because I'm a woman that you won't hire me? The great whore of Babylon is a woman too!"

"Well, actually it's a transvestite. Like I said, just leave your resume and we'll get back to you. Thank you. Have a nice day."

She stormed out of the office. On the door was the sign that read: "Revelation and company: Destroyers of the future." Hmmph! Destroyers her ass. If they didn't use her, then they would not be able to destroy the world at all. There must be a way. She walked out into the street. New York was a lot like hell in many ways. She walked left, out of instinct. She looked at the sign--42nd street.

She had walked several blocks and now began to feel a bit hungry. There was a big restaurant with golden arcs a block down. It belonged to some Donald fellow, she saw. She walked into it and went up to the lady at the cash register. The lady was somewhat plump but not quite juicy enough. "Can I have something a bit bigger?" she asked.

"Huh?" replied the lady.

"Never mind. You'll do." With that she grabbed the lady with her left arm and skinned her with the right. She hated those vericose veins, but one can't be picky in New York, the devil had told her. She proceeded to sit down on the table and munch on the lady.

"Yes is this the police? A big beast just walked in here and ate an employee" yelled the manager furiously into the phone. "No this is not a joke. I am ...Listen I am not drunk! Now it's drinking her blood! No the employee's name was not Mary--it's not a bloody Mary you fools!!" Obviously the police did not believe him.

"Hey you!" yelled the manager "You can't just come in here and eat people!"

"Hey don't get rude to me now. It's not like I'm not paying for it. Besides, you're just shouting cause I'm a woman." retorted the beast.

With that said, she left a five dollar bill on the table. She wasn't tipping this rude man.

"Taxi!" She hailed a cab. She didn't feel like walking anymore. A yellow cab stopped in front of her and she got in. "Are you Nigerian?" she asked the cab driver. "Yes madam, how did you know?" replied cabby.

"Oh, I was once posted to Nigeria and I can tell. Wow. You know you people are just the greatest. I had the best time in Nigeria. Anything is possible in that country."

"Hia hia hia hia hia!" indicated the driver knowingly as he drove.

For a few minutes the cab driver and the woman conversed about Nigeria--they talked about everything from the corruption in the government to the 419 (advance fee fraud) scams Nigeria had become notorious for. She relayed to the cabby the story of how even the devil was scammed in Nigeria, stating that even he now had the utmost respect for those Nigerians in the fraud profession. "Hia hia hia hia hia!!" the cabby laughed again.

They had such a rapport going that she mentioned to him her problem. "I was all but guaranteed that the job was mine" she said. "But when I got there they told me that they had no opening. Now I know it's just because I'm a woman. After all, my number is 666."

The cabby went into deep thought. "Hmmm. I think I can help you out. Come with me madam."

The car stopped outside a tall building in Westchester. "Alhaji owns a condo here. He can help us."

They got out from within the car and proceeded inside, then upstairs via the elevator. They got to the 10th floor and rang one of the doorbells.

A big man with a protruding stomach opened the door and gave a great grin.

<<<grin>>>

"Jimoh the cab driver!"

"Alhaji Alhaji!"

The greetings done with, the cab driver introduced her to Alhaji.

"Alhaji, this is the beast with the number 666. She has a problem and I told her you would be able to help her."

Alhaji grinned again. "Hia hia ha hia hia! <<<grin>>>. Come on inside and we'll see what I can do."

They proceeded inside the house which was tastefully furnished--by this it would suffice one to say that everything had some sort of food on it. This would explain the Alhaji's figure. He was an oddly shaped man. An oddly shaped man.

"Tell me your problems" Alhaji said as he poured some blood into a glass for her. He shook his head as she offered him some of hers. "Don't drink that stuff myself. I stay away. Besides, I have high blood pressure." They all laughed. She proceeded to tell her tale and once in a while Alhaji would interject with a question. "What color of trousers did he have on?" And so forth, and so on.

Alhaji thought carefully, and then said: "Come back here tomorrow and you'll have the job. But listen carefully. This is what you need to do. Find me a young virgin who has never seen a Nigerian before. Bring her here to the city and then find me a young lad who has never seen a Nigerian before. This is all you need."

"Really?" she asked.

"Really" he said. "Oh, and one more thing. Here take my first child with you. He hasn't seen the world yet. He'd love the trip." Alhaji brought out his first child from within the confines of the next room and presented it to the beast. She smacked her lips, but luckily no one noticed. The child was ripe to be munched on too, but she would have to wait till she got the job and then she would have the authority to wreak havoc--even on these stupid Nigerians helping her out.

"Why don't you leave your number here. It might not be wise to carry it with you."

She shifted uneasily for a second, but the sight of Alhaji's first son assured her there was nothing to worry about. She left the 666 in the condo and they all went out for dinner. Later on that night, she and the boy proceeded to the airport to get on the plane in order to find the young virgin. To find a virgin these days is hell. But a virgin who hasn’t met a Nigerian? When they had boarded the plane she noticed something strange about the boy--he was beginning to decompose.

"Stop this plane! Stop this plane!" she yelled.

"I'm sorry but we can't do that until we get to Pakistan," your-captain-speaking said.

She could not believe this! By the time the plane landed, seven hours later, the boy was nothing but a heap of grass. With great angst, she swam back to Westchester in New York and went straight to Alhaji's condo. She went up the elevator, but when she rang the doorbell an old white couple opened the door.

"We don't know what you are talking about" they said. They had been on vacation and had just gotten back. No, they didn't have any Nigerian nephews or relatives.

She was mad--very mad. She killed the old couple and ransacked the apartment searching for the number. It was gone! It was gone!!

She ran quickly to the office of Revelation and Company, but just as she was about to say something, that snotty man came out again and said: "Ah... I'm sorry madam, but the job is taken."

"That can't be. I'm the only one with the 666 number!"

"Er, but you are wrong. Someone--a man--came in here today with not only the number, but a resume stacked with more qualifications than even Satan. In fact, to make things better, he was Nigerian."

"Argggggghhhh!" she screamed as she fell to the floor, desolate. She walked out into the street and screamed even more. She was one of the homeless masses in NY city. She looked for a nice spot under a chair in the subway station and fell asleep. Maybe she could forget her problems while asleep."

Somewhere in the Bronx, an oddly shaped man with the number of the beast strolled through the streets wreaking havoc.

He laughed in a very funny way.

"Hia hia hia hia hia hia hia. <<<<grin>>>

The end