Jezuz Wuz A Bro

Mary's mother was livid: "A Negro?! You want to marry a Negro?! You must be absolutely mad! If you think your father and I are going to sit back and watch you throw away your life on that Joseph fellow, you have another thing coming." Mary looked at the ground. There were two ants carrying the body of a third--the smaller of the ants seemed to be singing a funeral dirge. It was a sad song. She looked back up at the wall.

Her mother's favorite relic from her sorority days at the Jewish Institute of Technology stood proudly. It read: "For the ultimate college experience, rush Hashanah Sigma Psi. Spring, 20 B.C" Out of the corner of her eye, Mary saw her mother pick up the scrolls. Oh great. Now she was getting into her Sabbath-day mood. Mary's mother continued: "The blacks enslaved our people for four-hundred years in Egypt! They held us captive and used as animals. They are evil. The black man is the devil I say--the devil!"

She made a noise with her throat in order to clear it, or something thereof, and then continued. "Do you think the battles that Moses and Joshua X fought for our freedom were in vain?

Mary looked to the ants for support, but they were too busy with problems of their own. How was she even going to tell her mother she was with child? They would kill her. "And I'll strangle you if you as much as mention that you are with child!" suggested her mother, as she walked towards the kitchen. The ants stalled for a few seconds and then entered their hole.

Several months later, sitting at The Burger Pharaoh, Egypt's newest dining establishment, Joseph ordered a lamb burger and some broth. He was visibly perturbed. He just couldn't grasp this immaculate conception deal at all. He and Mary had never had sex--of that he was sure. But yet she was with child. He must have been raving mad to believe her story about the angel. They had even run away to Egypt to escape the wrath of her parents. They'd never believe.

"Jo men, can I seet here?" It was one of those Mexican immigrants, Joseph thought with consternation. He was probably working for peanuts at the pyramids, putting good folk out of work. It really was the fault of those bleeding her liberals, he continued ruminating. The immigrant sat down. He was pretty dark for a Mexican.

"Jo men, my name is Jesus."

"Oye como va" replied Joseph in a gesture of greeting, as he tried to show his cultural diversity and depth. He’d heard that Santana song was pretty sure that was the way you greeted them spics. "Nice to meet you hay-seuss, I'm Joe" he finished.

"Hey Joe, you know what?"

"What?" Joseph said, barely trying to conceal his disdain.

Jesus continued, " I've been looking for you. I'm an angel."

Oh great, nothing like some good insanity to go with lamb.

"Jo men, I'm serious an' shit. I got a message from God an' stuff man. He says to tell you that you should fear thee not. Yo, hombre, your wife she is telling the truth man. That shit is real yo. And now check this out, see? God doesn't know this, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd name the kid after me. Jo men, we got a deal?"

Joseph was stunned. "How do I know you're telling the truth and you are who you say you are?"

"Well I'll give you proof man. Right now I’ve only learned one miracle. But here it is: When the child is born, he'll look jus' ezakly like you an shit." Despite himself, Joseph burst into laughter. "A bro? Mary’s immaculate child’s going to be a bro?" "Yo hombre, the shit iz real son. Jus' remember, man, name him after me. Hey look behind you."

Joseph turned to look and saw nothing. When he turned back around, the man was gone.

Two months later, Mary gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. She couldn't understand, for the life of her, why Joseph insisted on naming him after some Mexican immigrant, but he had stood by her so she owed him. Joseph, for his part, was just so enthralled with the little one.

All he could say, while gazing lovingly at the child, was: "He's a bro. Jesus is a bro!"

The end