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Looking for Mr. Right

By Al-Asad

Love me tender, love me true sang Elvis so many years ago and it is not surprising that he sold millions of that record, because somewhere inside that is all we all crave: to be loved.

I believe if one could hear the soul of most of the Nigerian women plying the internet for a "Soul mate", "someone to love me for me", "my destiny" amongst many other acronyms for what they desperately search for, Elvis Presley's hit record will play slowly in the background.

All we need is love goes another song and that may well be true, but this writer refuses to agree that this is all we are about, there must be more to life, certainly.

Frankly the global definition of love wreaks of insecurity and when you read behind the lines of the thousands of messages left by women on internet boards, you find women who really believe they are not pretty enough, or beautiful enough or that nobody wants them.

As ironical as the world we live in is, the apathy that most of this women wallow in just sets them up for the kill; by predating over sexed men looking for free sex.

I recall an ad on one of the sites I researched stating "if you are one of those looking for free sex on the net, then don't reply to this." I suppose this means that all those honourable and noble predators out there just read that line of text and just moved on, despite their killers instinct that is often aroused by what seems like a challenge.

Aretha sang who's zooming who, put in more direct language; who's fooling who? If you chose the market to find a husband, of course you are likely to end up with a magician/trickster and you are bloody right he will tell you what you want to hear, and when he has got what he wants he'll be on his way.

Having said all that I do admit that some may have scored, some may have been lucky, and some of these remain to be seen work out in the end.

An intelligent woman told me once, that she'd sooner date a married man who was honest with her and they both know what they are in it for than a liar who raise's her expectations and let her down.

It strikes me as funny that this simple wisdom eludes most of our women.

Some years ago as a single man I met a girl I like and told my female friend whom I had been visiting to introduce us, but she (my friend) said, sorry she couldn't because the other girl was not looking for a date or relationship, but a husband.

This logic obviously rests on the premise that I should make a decision because she feels she's run out of time.

I think at the time they assumed I was somewhat a playboy, and as a result not the "serious" type.

Of course this girl went on to date a supposedly single (though married man), some guy in America she'd been introduced to, one or two other seemingly serious types and a divorcee, who really was an angel but married a hag.

Today two kids later, she remains unmarried, while the erstwhile playboy married the next woman he met.

Do not get me wrong I am not saying I would have married that girl, maybe we are not even compatible, but how am I to have known that without dating her. May I also be a bit callous and say most of our sisters get what they deserve as a result of their ignorance, naivety or even nastiness to guys who may have the best intentions towards them. In Lagos speak we call it "O fi oko se boyfriend."

I think our ladies should wise up and take their destiny in their hands, confidently too, because if that guy you so much invest your time in decides to move on you must be strong enough to pick yourself up and move on, without prejudice.

We are often caught up in the wisdom of fools, looking for a convenient method to life when there really is no method to it, life simply is mad.

It was our own Ola Onabule that sang: How can I love when I can't love myself?

Sometimes I think the sisters should take out their internet messages, start to love themselves and discover more about their inner selves, maybe then they might become irresistible to the brothers out there.

For those who are looking, the Bob Marley chorus: Is this love that I am feeling? should be on the tip their tongue when they meet the next guy.

And that is the view from this bridge.

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© June 2000 Al-Asad
Al-Asad is a freelance writer and contributor to NigeriaExchange dot com

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