You Know You Are African/Naija if....
- You unwrap all your gifts carefully, so that you can reuse the wrapping.
- You don't have genuine Tupperware, only use margarine, ice-cream and yoghurt tubs to store food.
- You call an older person you've never met before "uncle" or "aunty"
- More than 90% of the music CD's and cassettes in your home are illegal copies. (Made in Dubai)
- Your garage is always full of stuff because you never throw anything away, just in case you need it someday.
- You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles from your stays at hotels. (Marriott, etc)
- You almost always have excess baggage when travelling by plane.
- If a store has a limit on the quantity of a product, then each member of the family will join separate queues to purchase the maximum quantity possible.
- At least one of your cousins has an annoying nickname. (Bobo, Kemo, Orebe, Shege, Femo, etc)
- Nobody in your family informs you that they are coming over for a visit. (Uncle, his wife,
sis-in-law, two nephews and house girl have all camped at your house)
- You stuff your pockets with, mints and toothpicks at restaurants. (Murray mints, wrappers, and salt-shakers!)
- Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and does not talk to her for 10 years.
- You only make telephone calls and operate your washing machine (which disturbs your neighbours) at night, when the rate is cheaper.
- You teach others swear words in your language. (Oloshi, Waka, Ashawo)
- You never have less than 20 people to meet you at the airport or see you off even if it is a local flight. (Yeah, 1st person to fly in the family, that's why)
- You keep changing your Internet Service Provider after using up the free first month.
- Office supplies mysteriously find their way to your home. (Yes ke, Scissors, Biros, Post-its, etc.)
- You don't buy a printer because it is cheaper to do it at work.
- You wash your car on a Sunday. (Maybe, not really)
- You know the best phone card to buy (eg UNITY, BELL, GO BANANA, etc); because you know the ones that have the longest time - at least you should speak to all your children, brothers, sister-in-law, mother, and that your uncle's daughter; who live in your house.
- You always lie about the ages of your children so they can avoid paying higher admission fees.
- When you were young, your parents bought you clothes at least two sizes too big so that they would last longer.
- At least one of your uncles is a teacher.
- You have a 10 Kg bag of rice in your kitchen
- You always read the Sport sections of the Sunday newspapers first.
- The first week of your first time on internet, access was hectic as you had to check your e-mail everyday to see if your uncle/friend has written from home, and you start checking the web for websites like this- for naija stuffs and jokes.
- Throughout your first-four weeks abroad, you have to caution yourself on the way you walk on the road, when you should take the footpaths. Understand? You know how that car nearly hit you when you were walking in the road, and you had forgotten you were no longer in Naija? There are footpaths beside the roads here!
- The first time you schooled/worked with an oyinbo, he annoys you and you shout at him.
Later he tells everyone you are swearing at him.
Submitted By: Graham Skipps
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