"The lord is they shepherd" shouted the reverend father. He had known when he had given the initial charge to the 12 that if anyone would make it, Lisa would. Now he was the only one who could keep her mind straight while she tried to find her mission in life. "Yeah, though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, the lord is with thee!"
He knew Lisa couldn't hear, because she wasn't listening. She had stopped listening several years ago. However he knew she could perceive his energy. He began to sweat--he was weakening. Twelve minutes to go. "Though a thousand shall fall on your left hand and ten thousand on your right!" he shouted. There was thunder and hail. The skies had turned blood red and darkness fell upon the world.
Lisa got on her knees, tears falling down her face. "Help me lord, that I might know what you want of me."
Two minutes.
"Your cup runneth over!"
Hail, thunder, blood-red rain drops.
"Help me lord for my time has come" she screamed.
One minute.
"A cheeseburger! Get me a cheeseburger" yelled Lisa hysterically.
"Go on do it!!" screamed the reverend at the top of his lungs. He knew better than to question one of the twelve at a time like this.
"A cheeseburger!!" continued yelling Lisa...blood was now trickling from the side of her mouth. She was dying.
"Get the cheeseburger for Chrisakes!" continued screaming the reverend.
Ten seconds. Lisa was gasping for breath.
Nine seconds. She was rolling on the floor convulsing...the words cheeseburger" formed in her mouth.
Four seconds. She had turned blue. Humanity’s last gasp depended on a cheeseburger. Now, isn’t that something?
Two seconds. The reverend thrust the cheeseburger into Lisa's hands.
The world was silent. Calm came upon and the waves subsided. The color of the sky melted back to light blue and the hail and blood-red rain stopped. Lisa was breathing heavily and she looked thankfully at the reverend. Mankind was going to be saved after all. The reverend laughed out loud. Won't he be damned when he tells this story to future generations. Her particular mission in life was to get God a cheeseburger. Lisa smiled as she could perceive his happiness.
Then the clouds opened up and light shone from above. A stairway to heaven came down from the sky. An ambitious young man tried to get on it and was scorched to death. Lisa didn't see this. She had stopped looking long ago. She waved to mankind, and mankind in intense appreciation waved back to her. She climbed up the stairs as they all watched. She soon disappeared into the clouds and mankind waited and watched in awe and excitement. And then it happened.
A voice was heard roaring throughout all the universe. It spake thus:
"WHAT NO PICKLES?!"
There was thunder and lightening.
The end
Guides
Channels