He did the imitation of that short ugly Saturday Night Live fellow so well that I was amazed.
"Well come on in, but I don't know if there's space for the rest of your"
"Heaven's Angels" he helped me out. We've been cruising the galaxy for a while now. It's been fun. Don't worry bout them, they can stay here for a thousand years. As you know, a thousand years is as unto a second."
Aha.
He came into the house with Gabe and I proceeded to get more coffee.
"So why are the people at the mountain?" He shouted from the living room.
"Waiting for you" I replied walking back in. He turned to Gabe who turned red and took an immediate interest in the ceiling.
"So why the mountain anyhow?"
"Well, Reverend Imp had told them that"
"Reverend Imp? Wasn’t he also around when I did my Sermon on the Mount?"
I had no way of knowing if he was joking so I just kept quiet.
"For lo it is written that on that last day, two shall be in the farm. One shall be taken away, and the other shall be left. Two shall be sleeping on the same bed. One shall be taken away, and one shall be left. I never said anything about no mountain! Trust that fool Imp to take it upon himself to interpret what I said as the world standard just as King James did."
"So you mean you're not going to the mountain?" I said.
"Heaven no!" he said with much disdain and contempt. "Let's see how they feel when they discover that their prophesy interpretation is off the mark. Why can't they just take things as they are? Why do they have to go into these deep and meaningful nonsense talk? Just like the beast? I clearly stated that the beast's number was 666. And then I put in som'n like if any one be smart, let him interpret--you know, just to have some fun. The next thing I knew, everyone was using all different schemes to discover who the beast was. Some said he was born in June 6th 1996. Stupid fools!"
"Er... so who is the beast?" I asked.
"Oh, he's just some fellow with 666 as his number. He's evil though. Stay
away from him."
I was a bit confused. 666 as his number?
"Is the beast necessarily a man?"
"Well, when I said that stuff, there weren't no such thing as transsexuals or
he-men so you better believe it's a man."
This fellow was odd.
"So what took you so long? I thought you'd get here when the world had turned to Sodom and Gomorrah"
"I don't think it's as bad as Sodom and Gomorrah yet" he said.
I looked at Gabe. "Tell him."
"Huh?" Jesus said.
Gabe shifted uneasily and related a series of stories, of which none will be discussed in this epistle. Jesus was very pensive.
"Hmmm. I did not know this." Jesus said.
Jesus said: "So are you the only black man left in the world?"
"No. The rest of them went to the mountain"
"Why?"
"To wait for you."
"Why?"
"Er, because you're their savior?"
"Gaga, gaga, gaga, the gagster.." Jesus laughed. "You look like a bright fellow so tell me something."
"Shoot"
Gabriel brought out a heavenly riffle and blasted me with a shot of glory. Damn I was stunned!
"Arf, arf, arf, arf!"
"Gabe! That's wrong. <guffaw>!"
Jesus had the most pleasant laugh I'd ever heard. Just one <guffaw> (and that is exactly as it came out... exactly as it is written) and you'd instantly feel like laughing with him.
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