Frank was awakened in the middle of the night by a noise. Dorothy had traveled so no one else was in the house. His breathing became heavy and he felt that whoever the intruder was could hear his heart beating. He heard the noise again.
The person was creeping in his room. He was scared. He had never done nothing to hurt no one. He was just an average Joe--or at least an average Frank. He had a nice job, a nice house (even though he was one mortgage payment behind), no kids, a nice car (two payments behind on that one) and a nice wife. Actually she was a bitch, but he didn't find out till he married her.
He would have an affair, if only women found him attractive. Somehow the image of a balding middle-aged guy with hairy arms and a beer stomach did not inspire the female juices to flow. Well now Frank felt his life was in danger and did not have time for any such mundane thoughts. He lay as still as possible, which I think is a mistake. If there's an intruder in your house, I say move around in bed like you're having a nightmare until you can position yourself appropriately. If you lie still he'd (or she'd) suspect you're awake. But then not everyone is as smart as I am. The noise did not stop, however.
The intruder was searching for something in his room. Frank slowly reached for his gun in the drawer--it was his only chance. He had never had an opportunity to use it, and frankly Frank did not care much for it. He only bought it in the hope that one day he might accidentally kill his wife (and some of her loud-ass friends) while cleaning it. He'd seen it happen on Oprah. Frank slowly opened the drawer and made a slight noise.
He froze with his hand on the drawer as though if the intruder could see him the intruder would imagine he was opening the drawer in his sleep again. The intruder stopped making any sound for a few seconds and then proceeded.
Frank pulled the gun out slowly and in a fast sequence switched the light on, pointed the gun in the intruder's direction and shouted "Freeze!" Now I think this was stupid, and you'll back me up on this one. An intruder is in your room, and you have a gun? You shoot "bang bang!" and THEN shout freeze, if he hasn't already. I'd as sure as hell kept shooting till I was sure my life was not in danger.
Frank's eyes took a few seconds to adjust to the light, but the intruder just stood still for she didn't know this. Frank could not believe what he saw. It was a plump woman wearing very tight stockings, underwear, a bra, and wings. She had a slight beard and was missing almost all her teeth.
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