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Chapter 3 The 'three chairmen' all looked like they were strapped to seats in a molue doing a hundred miles an hour down a dust track. The K-TV cameraman focused on Killiwee's face being the only one on view. His bulging eyes and neck veins made him look like one who was straining to deliver a baby African Elephant via the back passage. Screams emanated from the audience at random. Most could not bear to look and hid their faces. The 'three chairmen' continued in their vibrating death dance. They released ungodly grunts and smells. At this time the first casualties in the audience slumped to the ground. The attending physician seemed confused as to whom to save. The dying 'chairmen' or the four people who had fainted. He saved neither. For out of the thin air, darkness exploded. The screams intensified in the darkness. It was an electric power failure. Mama Bomboy's son began to cry. A high-pitched lamentation that seemed to protest his being born in this country. Oga Landlord was the first to return. 'Lord where am I? I hear babies crying. I am in heaven. I am in heaven o!' he screamed with a voice that still sounded distant due to the cloth covering his head. Killiwee shouted 'Shut up!' No one spoke. 'Killiwee is that you?' asked Oga Landlord. 'Yes, it is I' came the reply. 'Ye pa! Mo'gbe. I don die finish. I am in hell oooo!' cried Oga Landlord. The entire room erupted in laughter. 'Oga Landlord, electric power don disappoint as usual' said Mile Two when the laughter settled. A few lighters began to spring up in the dark. 'Mama Bomboy, where is that your ye-ye placard now? Put it up let me see it in the darkness' teased Killiwee. 'You will die today, the wages of sin is death' she replied. 'But you know this country now. It's sometimes impossible to get your wages. Abi….' As Kelliwee spoke the Prison's electric generator came on with full force. Two thousand volts of electricity flowed into the 'chairmen' yet again. The executioner raced to lift the lever up making all the three men slump in their chairs. 'You for leave them make them die. I think na 'wages' Killiwee want eh?' screamed Mama Bomboy in anger at the executioner. Following a signal from his producer Bibi J was back talking to his TV audience. The executioner made a hasty exist for the toilets and fainted souls began to slowly rouse back to consciousness. 'Where am I?' screamed Mile Two. 'Still on earth poor chap' answered Bibi J who motioned to the prison officers to take off the black headpieces on Mile Two and Oga Landlord. Both men blinked like startled rabbits caught crossing the road by the headlights of a powerful jeep. Bibi J began his interviewing. 'Any problems?' he asked before thrusting his microphone at Mile Two. 'What do you think? I had enough electric to light up Festac Town going through my brains and you ask 'any problems?'' 'So what happened?' asked Bibi J. 'You tell me'. 'You experienced it' 'All I saw was brilliant flashing lights. Next minute I was in this wicked world' said Mile Two. 'Na people like you make this world wicked' screamed Mama Bomboy. Killiwee was asked the same question. He appeared sombre. 'I was speedily being transported through the air by the Angel of Death. I asked why the hurry and he said he had many engagements tonight in Lagos'. The audience began to look worried. 'Some of you are on his list' said Killiwee when he sensed their fear. 'So how did he take you. Horseback?' asked Bibi J grinning mischievously. 'No, no, no. It was Okada' said Killiwee causing great laughter. 'Laugh all you want but I tell you many of you will ride that motorcycle this year. The Angel of death told me so' said Killiwee. A man in the audience began to complain about the Government. 'See how dem yab themselves. How can a visiting dignitary such as Angel of Death be given Okada. The Minister of transport must resign!' More laughter followed. Before Bibi J could get to Oga Landlord the executioner returned drying his hands on his black trousers. Bibi J made a hasty exist from the death chamber. This time no one's head was covered. A quick sign of the cross followed by the pulling down of the lever and the look of death was back on the faces of the 'chairmen'. Bibi J now sitting amongst the audience commented animatedly about the grotesque exhibition of death by shock treatment. People began to scream and faint. The 'three chairmen' quivered relentlessly. Suddenly the lights dimmed and then came another power cut. Once again the entire place was thrown into utter confusion and darkness. Those with cigarette lighters provided a semblance of light. The prison Governor General went livid with rage, demanding to know what was going on. Soon the electric generator technician appeared through the doors of the death chamber with a hurricane lamp, which he held high in front of various faces till he found his boss. 'Sorry Sir, but diesel don finish' he said nervously. 'What!?' screamed his boss. 'Them don thief all the diesel commot for generator pata pata. How the thing take switch on, me I no know'. 'I can't believe this! Stealing in a Prison! Heads will roll'. 'I agree with you sir. It must be an inside job' came the technicians reply. The prison Governor General then took the hurricane lamp from it's owner and signalled the K-TV producer and the engineers to follow him out for a meeting. 'We never die? God abeg o!' said Mile Two in frustration when he regained consciousness. Bibi J and his crew switched to battery power and began filming but not before he had told the executioner to push the lever up just in case the power came back suddenly. He started with Oga Landlord's end. The solitary bright light on the old man's face made him look twice his age. 'Any comments?' asked Bibi J The old man shook his head 'Retribution' he said slowly. 'What do you mean Sir?' asked Bibi J. 'I feel I am being punished for a crime'. 'But you have always pleaded not guilty or have you been lying?' 'No. This crime was committed years ago. I have a confession to make.' Everyone was now all ears. For another great pastime was hearing confessions. 'Go on sir,' urged Bibi J. 'During the last civil war my neighbour and best friend, Uchenna, was gunned down in the street by soldiers. His wife and four children escaped into the bush.' Oga landlord began to cry. A few people who had expected tales of wizardry or secret cults hissed in disappointment. It was in Port Harcourt. I took over the running of Uchenna's house. I rented it out. I thought his wife and children would have been killed. Two years later they were back to claim their father's property. I drove them out. I claimed never to have known them. You see, I had become accustomed to being a landlord and receiving monthly rent. It was from there I began to build other houses and subsequently moved to Lagos.' Oga landlord began to wail noisily. 'Ah Uchenna, forgive me!' The Igbo entourage of Alaba market traders began to talk amongst themselves. One stood up in the darkness and began to curse Oga landlord. 'To think we were spending money to secure his release is unbelievable. Tuffia'. With that he left, as did many other traders. 'I have confessed and my conscience is clear. I am now ready to meet my maker' said Oga Landlord with great finality. Bibi J walked over to Killiwee. 'Any comments?' 'I move for the creation of a police and army free Switzer State.' People began to boo Killiwee. 'Ah-ah. Why boo me. Ah? Why hate us?. We are but a few molecules of water atop the giant iceberg of national criminality. OK, how much have I stolen in all my life? I am done ojare.' With that Killiwee refused to speak. The prisons Governor General walked in and cleared his throat in a way which demanded silence. He began to make his speech with a lot of stuttering. 'Once again we have been failed by the electric power people. K-TV has invested heavily in this live broadcast yet the whole of Lagos is in darkness and I'm afraid we have no TV audience. The purpose of this endeavour will therefore be defeated if we continue. This execution is thereby postponed till tomorrow, same time same place.' 'Ahhhh!' screamed the condemned men in unison. The national anthem was sung hastily signalling the end of the macabre event.
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